


You, Who Have Suffered, Find Where Love Hides

by wtf_is_frank_up_to



Category: Kill Your Darlings (2013), Kill Your Darlings (2013) RPF
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Huddling For Warmth, Hugs, Inspired by a Hozier Song, Kissing, Lucien is v cold okay, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, No Plot/Plotless, Pointless, Slow Dancing, Slow Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, a bit hurt but a lot of comfort, but allen is his human heater, i guess?, idk dude, no beta we die like men, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtf_is_frank_up_to/pseuds/wtf_is_frank_up_to
Summary: (...) the truth was, that he liked those moments when everything, including the inside of his head, felt dim. Quiet. Warm and fuzzy.Like right now.Or: Lucien and Allen are slow dancing. and neither of them wants for this moment to end. ever.
Relationships: Lucien Carr & Allen Ginsberg, Lucien Carr/Allen Ginsberg
Comments: 11
Kudos: 44





	You, Who Have Suffered, Find Where Love Hides

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seizethedaypoets](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=seizethedaypoets).



> boys need comfort. you need something to read. i need to let out my fantasies of slow dancing in the almost dark.

Allen wasn't a person you would describe as "hazy". He wouldn't do it himself. He was all made of collected pieces, thoughts he'd scream into the dark night if he wasn't so insecure about them, as well as soft edges and softly spoken words.   
I could go on and on, but the point is, Allen was clear. And most people would think that it means that he also likes situations that are perfectly clear, literally and metaphorically. 

But the truth was, that he also liked those moments when everything, including the inside of his head, felt dim. Quiet. Warm and fuzzy.   
Like right now. 

Their room is almost dark, the only source of light being yellow, red and blue fairy lights hanging from above their bed, so the only visible things were pieces of paper sticked to the wall, and contours. Lots of contours. Contours of the duvets, contours of laundry in the corner of the room (they were supposed to get rid of it today, but it's already late, so the chances they'll actually do it are dropping with every minute). So many things in the room, most of them being soft. It felt like a nest. Their nest, prepared for cold winter. Like they're mice.   
(But not the evil ones, like the ones that worked for Other Mother in "Coraline". More like mice that you can't bring yourself to kill, because they're just scratching in walls, doing their things.)

Allen can't quite recall how they ended up here. And he couldn't care less in this very moment. There were more important things to focus on right now. 

Like the music playing in the background; slow, soft, deep, the vocalist's voice soaking through their bones, drums bumping around their heads, calming any inner torment any of them could have. Even if it was calm only for these few minutes... it didn't matter. 

Minutes? Huh, Allen actually couldn't tell how much time has passed. That in of itself felt somehow comforting. He imagined that their bedroom is surrounded by a massive bubble; it kept them cut away from the world, and inside it time didn't pass. 

"You're thinking so loudly, Ginsy, I can actually hear gears turning in your brain" Lucien murmured slowly, almost sleepily, but Allen could tell he was smiling.   
"You can hear me thinking?"  
"Not really, otherwise I wouldn't have to wonder what you're thinking about. But, I just know you're thinking of something."  
"Wrong."  
"Wrong?"  
"I'm thinking of... nothing"  
"In a good or bad way?"  
"Both."  
Lucien let out a long sigh. The air was heavy, misty, incense-and-cigarettes-smelling.   
They were so, so close. Swaying together, completely out of rhythm of music.

Allen wasn't used- not yet- to being held like that; Lu held him the same way a child holds its teddy bear. Like something that protects you and gives you warmth and you can cry to and it'll always be close by night, but also something tender that needs you by day.   
He was enveloped in his arms, earlier cold tip of his nose was nuzzling in his hair like hungry for attention cat.

Al remembered that first time when Lucien hugged him like that; he was extremely careful not to move too much, he almost held in his breath. He felt like he didn't fit to that scene. And his own arms were just, hanging there. The only things he could think of were "what does that mean?" and "I want this but I also want to run away, I'm sorry". 

Right now, he was just daydreaming of this moment to never become past, of it being inifinite present. 

(In moments like this, he was happy Lucien was taller than him, so that he could feel his throat vibrating as he was humming the song that just started.)  
Suddenly, he felt something dropping on his head. Like when you're standing outside and it starts heavily raining. 

Lucien was crying. Just a little, but he was.   
He could ask him about it, but, really, what was the point?  
Instead, he reached out and squeezed Lu's hand in his. It felt small and fragile in his grip.   
Squeezed three times, like he was saying "Don't worry. I got you."

I got you. Never "I love you", because it always had bad aftertaste.   
"I got you" felt more like a promise for Lucien. It was connected with other phrases.   
I got you. I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe with me, whatever happens. 

As an answer, Lucien shook his head, nose brushing against Allen's forehead, and the stuttered breath mixing with his, steady one.   
When Lucien hid his face in Allen's shoulder (or rather, this place where shoulder and neck were connecting), Al rested his lips on his forehead. It might've been a kiss, but if so, it was a very long one.

"You're so good to me, I don't know how to react to this" he said once. 

Allen knew. But it's okay, he will wait.

**Author's Note:**

> comments make me cry from happiness.


End file.
